Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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