This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
