does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
