A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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