Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's never too late to be topless.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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