i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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