Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
