So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
