I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
