Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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