When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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