I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
