Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
