Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize