lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
