I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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