She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
