Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
