Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my being single is dangerous.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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