The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
