I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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