Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.