Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
