Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
