He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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