i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
