i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
