I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
where am i from again
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
