yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dick very happy bro
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
