She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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