When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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