I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
