I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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