so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
