seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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