It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize