White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Houston, we have a squirter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
