Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
