So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
