Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
