I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
