you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i've created a new STD.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
