i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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