Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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