I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
