All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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