A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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