Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
