I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
