Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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