I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
