p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
