hotel room ftw
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
