it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
