I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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