yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In other news, I just burned my penis
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
