I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
