oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
