i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.