Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
