how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.