My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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