shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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