it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
