I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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